I don’t think that I’m the type of person to ever be known for my patience. I don’t particularly like to sit still, and if I am unhappy with someone in my family it is usually because my patience at that moment (right or wrong) has been exhausted.
So here I am, three weeks into my journey of healing. I definitely thank God that it took me this long to hit the wall, because that’s what happened on Saturday…I hit the wall, my patience with everything, the pace of my recovery, with my pain, with my limitations was exhausted. Anyone who has experienced some degree of chronic pain knows what I’m talking about. I mean sure, if I just sit there I’m fine, but God didn’t make me a sit on the couch person. He made me a get stuff done person, and everywhere I turn there is stuff that needs to be done!! But this weekend I spent most of Saturday in bed. I did nothing but sleep and cry and feel sorry for myself. Since I’m still healing bone and ligaments, I probably needed the sleep and maybe the cry too. But hitting the wall is never fun; physically or spiritually.
I’m sure we’ve all been there. We’ve all had times when we look at our lives and we struggle to see how our suffering can possibly be part of God’s plan. It’s hardest to lift up our voice in songs of praise in the middle of a storm. It’s hard to feel his presence in our lives at those moments.
As I was lying in bed on Saturday, feeling sorry for myself, scrolling through Netflix, trying to find something to watch, I came across the movie GREATER. Full disclosure here, it’s a football movie, but it’s a football movie like The Blind Side is a football movie (and there’s even a cameo in it by Quinton Aaron). There is a moment in that movie when the quarterback questions the calls and the star reminds him that he (the quarterback) can only see a few meters right in front of him, but the coach can see the entire field. That is what God is like for us…for me. Sometimes I don’t understand his calls, but all I can see is what is right in front of me. I might not learn until later the ripples that when out from my struggles or pain, or I might never learn…but that’s part of what trust is about, what faith is about.
I believe that God used to that movie to remind me to trust in him and his plan, to stop worrying and accept that he always knows what’s best for me. I think that God reminds us of his love for us everyday, he reminds us to have faith and to trust in him. Sometimes he does this in ways that are obvious, sometimes he’s more subtle, but the signs are there. If your heart is bruised or hurting, like mine was this weekend, know that he is there for you, that he loves you and he will give you what you truly need…all you have to do is ask…ask and have faith.
And here’s a song that I hope helps you as much as it helped me this weekend.