What do you think of when you hear the word, obsession? It positively screams of something dark and insidious. A fault or failure of character. A character flaw that allows something negative to take over or dominate your life to the exclusion of all else.
We speak of kids and their obsession with social media, video games, screens time. We talk about obsessions with fashion, food, fitness. It seems like everyone these days is blaming something on their OCD.
Well today I want to confession my obsession to you. Because I am obsessed…obsessed with God.
It’s like He sits there, in the front of my brain. I can practically point to the place, it’s right between, and slightly above my eyes…right in the middle of my forehead. Or sometimes when I’m in church it’s like I can feel his hand pressing down on my bowed head. Letting me know he is with me.
God fills my thoughts. When I’m happy, songs of praise either dance through my brain, or burst uncontrollably from my lips. I’m constantly thinking about Him, thanking Him, wanting to learn more about Him. Understand Him. In my free time I think about this blog or my other writing projects, and how I can give back to Him who has given me so much. How I can use my meager talent to thank Him for the fullness of my heart; the moments of overwhelming, soul-filling joy. The feeling of knowing and understanding what He is trying to tell me – those moments that bring me to my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks because I feel so full. So fully loved. So full of Him.
But this obsession is unlike anything I understood obsession to be. It is all consuming, but instead of guilt and darkness, I feel only light. My obsession doesn’t take me away from my family and my responsibilities, it only makes me able to be more; more engaged, more patient, more gentle, more kind. It only makes me love them more.
My obsession makes me want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them. I need to make them understand how amazing it feels to be loved, to live in the light of God’s love. There is no video game, or movie or social media post that can give you the sense of wholeness you get from communing with God.
This is an obsession that redefines the word. There is no negative here. There is only a sense of rightness, of peace, of what was always intended.
I know God loves me. I feel God’s love and it is an oxymoron; all consuming and liberating at the same time. In everything you give up to Him, you feel more full, more fulfilled, more satisfied.
This must be a glimpse of what it feels like to live always in His glory. When you come close to experiencing, even a glimpse of his presence, you can’t help but fall to your knees in praise. Now I understand the title of C.S. Lewis’ autobiography “Surprised by Joy”.