My ugly jealousy.

I debated about writing this blog because, like most people, I hate exposing that dark underbelly that we all have.  But I also feel that if I am going to be honest about my faith journey and how God works in my life, then sometimes you have to do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

We’ve all had them, feelings of jealousy.  I know for myself, Those feelings almost always stem from my own feelings of inadequacy.  I never envy people having or doing things that I am confident in about myself, but areas where I am insecure, especially in my work, are very common places for negative feelings to arise.

I had occasion to experience those feelings this past weekend.  I could feel the ugliness and that little voice in my head, questioning myself and putting down another person because I needed to reassure myself that I was good enough. I felt it… but I also recognized it as nothing that was going to take me anywhere good. I think that is part of walking close to God, he lets you know almost immediately that you are on the wrong path and gives you the opportunity to right yourself.

Not only did God give me the opportunity to right myself that day, he then reassured me in my scripture readings.  Now I know the other day I talked about being accused of confirmation bias.  But when I write the verse I read today, you decide for yourself.  Because I could have read it the day before, and I would have if I had stuck to my scheduled reading plan, but I didn’t…  I read this verse on the very day I needed to read this verse.  I simply can’t believe that is anything other than GOD present and active in my life.

“For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.  For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:”  Romans 12:3-4

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure God took the time today to remind me that we each have different skills and that he will call us each to be our best for him and not to worry about what anyone else is doing.  There are several more verses that follow this one that reiterate that.

This is why I love our Lord.  He absolutely took time to listen to how I was feeling and he gave me an answer and a direction, just like any parent would for their own child. The moment I read that verse I got down on my knees, tears streaming down my face, and thanked God for his love.  For taking the time to show me how much he cares about me and for reminding me of the path he wants me to walk. That feeling of being held by God, of being known by God is so wonderfully, powerfully overwhelming.

If you don’t think that you can have this type of relationship with our Father in heaven I would wholeheartedly tell you that you are wrong.  Not only can you have this kind of relationship, but this is the relationship God wants to have with you.  All you need to do is reach out.  If you haven’t already accepted Jesus as the son of God, and asked him to be a part of your life, then do it now.  If you are a believer, make an effort to get to know the God you believe in, reach out in prayer and open yourself to a life of freedom and love and blessing.

God Bless


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