If only you would hear his voice.

Every once in a while I am reminded that once upon a time I had a blog about my faith journey. Last night was one of those time. People still find it, and people still comment, thanking me for what I’ve posted. Last night was one of those times. My last blog post, prior to today, was April of 2022. I knew I had blogged for a while, but I when I looked back… my first blog post was September of 2018, and I blogged a lot back then; almost daily.

There are times in our spiritual journey when we are called to be the lighthouse, to shine the light of our faith outwards for others to see; to light their way. There are times in our faith journey when others light the way for us. As many of you know, we have spent the last three years building our farm. We took an empty soy bean field and we filled it; with a house, a barn, fields of hay, pastures for grazing and of course ponies for riding and loving. All of my physical and mental energy has been focused on filling that field and I have emptied myself. I have found myself too weary to read, to write, to even think at times. I have worried that God is disappointed in me because I haven’t been to church as often, because I don’t read my Bible as often, because I don’t sit down and devote time to him as often. That isn’t to say that I don’t always say little prayers throughout my day – “Please help me, Father” or that I don’t recognize and give thanks for the all of the small miracles he sends my way and the many, many blessings. But it does mean that I have felt guilt for not doing enough, and at times I have felt as though I wasn’t enough.

This weekend God again reminded me that I can always come to him, just as I am and He knows exactly what I can and can’t do. Do not allow the world, do not allow others to put parameters on your relationship with God. Your relationship with God, isn’t defined by how often you go to church and sit in a pew, your relationship with God isn’t defined by how often you open your Bible – it’s defined by how much you depend upon him to get you through your daily life. I can’t get through a day without him. My first instinct is to go to him; with my joys and my sorrows, with my worries and my delights. Absolutely, attending church and reading your Bible are important – they are how you deepen your understanding of your heavenly Father – how He speaks to you, and how you can learn and understand his truths for yourself. But please don’t allow yourself to believe that, if you aren’t doing those things, he loves you any less. He is calling to us every single day, reaching out to us, wanting to draw us closer to him, wanting to show us how much he truly loves us – if only you would hear his voice.

I hear God’s voice calling out to me. Telling me that this part of my journey, this phase of exhaustion is coming to an end, and it might be time to turn my light on once again.