Ever since Christmas I have been struggling with a general sense of fatigue and lethargy. Maybe it’s S.A.D. Maybe it’s feeling overwhelmed with my life. Whatever the reason I felt burnt out. I have struggled with the simplest daily tasks of life; preparing meals, doing laundry…and with other tasks that have been important to me; reading my bible and prayer. I have offered up half-hearted prayers over the past month. Sometimes all I have been able to say is the Lord’s Prayer with my child before he goes to bed. I have begun to question the core of my faith. I have felt as if I can never be good enough, never worthy enough of God. I have gone through SO many days recently when I have truly felt as if my faith was being tested. And I have cried out to God that right now, in this moment, I am the one…and he needs to leave the 99 for me. I have prayed with an apology in my heart; “I’m sorry Lord, but I need a sign. I am in an emotional valley and I need to feel you, to know that you are here with me. I am counting on your promises. I am holding fast to them, even in my questioning.
Even in my doubting, in the depths of my heart, I couldn’t help myself, there was a small party of me that believed… that God would hear me, that He would help me.”
Today he overwhelmed me with his response.
Today I got a text message from a friend out of the blue and he shared a song with me. Today I drove past a field filled with 1,000 white swans. Today my son shared a movie that lifted and inspired me. Today God surrounded me with love. Today God blessed me. Today I was reminded that I am exactly who I am supposed to be and that “Jesus paid it all”…just for me.
God will never fail me.
I’m not going to pretend that I will wake up tomorrow and feel amazing. This valley I am walking through won’t suddenly disappear overnight. But I am so grateful to be reminded that I am not walking alone.
God bless each of you and if you are struggling, just keep praying, even if you can’t find the words, God knows the secret cry of your heart.
Meredith
finchmeredith1 
Life is……valleys and mountains. With no promises! But, but, but….God is in the Valleys and on the Mountains, we just have to believe. It is what faith is….hope…..love! God loves you, especially! How Great Thou Art!
That is our God!
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If we were perfect, we would be in no need of a Savior. So, we all go through these days, moments, months…but in the end we have to believe that “his grace is sufficient…his love is enough.” And we have to embrace that love. Trying to Praise and Pray, even when we don’t feel like it is awesome… it’s stepping out in faith even when your not feeling it. Sometimes we have to just shut everything out for a few moments, even our thoughts and let him speak. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and ask you to do the same, distance is only a number, but we share the same sin, the same sky and the same love for God…even though we sometimes struggle, we are never alone. God Bless you, your husband, your children and all your loved one’s and may he keep them safe always. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
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It was supposed to say “we share the same sun” Sorry.
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Tony. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as well. God bless you!
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