“Great Aunt Maurine said at a hundred and three; Write scripture on your heart for when you need it.” Leanna Crawford – Still Waters.
Last weekend I took a trip with a couple of friends to a Breath Work retreat. I have filled my life with frenetic activity over the last few months because the quiet moments are when I feel Hayden’s loss the most. I also knew that I had this retreat coming and I earmarked it as a “taking time for me” and “reconnect with God” time. It was a very powerful weekend for me in several ways. During our breath work meditation, God filled me with affirmation – that the way in which I connect with him, the way in which I feel him in my heart is valid. It was an incredibly overwhelming experience because in that moment I also affirmed for myself that there truly was nothing that could separate me from my God. I lost the most precious thing it is possible for a mother to lose less than five months ago – my child. But, in that meditation, I realized that the trials of life could not separate me from the love of God. Not just that He wouldn’t leave me, but that I wouldn’t leave him. That He was mine and I was His. And at the end, Hayden showed up… to remind me that he is not gone, he’s just not here, and he will be walking beside me, until I join him in Heaven. What a gift.
Throughout the weekend I was reminded of how important the things we put into our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our souls are. I always say that I only listen to Christian music, but the power of that goes beyond just making me feel good. Many of those lyrics are Biblical. Often times they are verses taken directly from the Bible. And why is that important? Because the things you expose yourself to are written on your heart. In my deepest sorrow; all those times I had read or heard or sung God’s word came back to me; to reminded me that I was not alone. When I am scared, or anxious or tired, the first thought in my head is God. God is truly the cornerstone upon which my life has now been built. I have written and song him into every cell of my body.
But what I also realized last weekend, in my conversations with the facilitators, is how many religious barriers have been put up to keep people away from God, to control their relationship. So, if you feel your soul crying out for something, if you feel sad, or anxious or overwhelmed in this world right now, let me set you free. Let go of all of the constraints that have defined what you think you need to do to have a relationship with God. You don’t have to go to church, you don’t have to read the Bible, you just need to start looking for God. Maybe on your drive to work you listen to a Christian radio station. I personally love K-love. Maybe you down load a Bible App onto your phone that gives you a verse a day or watch a Christian vlogger. Maybe you go to church for the first time in years. Maybe you just think about God as a possibility. What I want you to know is that God doesn’t have rules for you to come to him. He just wants you – as you are – perfectly imperfect. And I can tell you from first hand experience, there is no endorphin rush greater than feeling the love God has for you wash over you.
No one can make you believe. No one can change your heart. No one but God. “Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find, ask and the door shall be opened unto you.” Matthew 7:7
I’m putting the link to Leanna Crawford’s song Still Water here. Maybe this is the first step for you. Maybe you put it on repeat.
God Bless,
Meredith
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