So do you ever have those moments when you are absolutely certain that you are in the right? Those time that you feel absolutely justified to yell at your spouse, child, co-worker, friend? I had one of those this weekend and God used it to teach me a lesson about forgiveness.
Some of you may have read my blog post from Saturday night, condemning an image that recently appeared in an issue of Batman. I only knew about that image because someone sent it to me. Someone looking to get a reaction out of me. They succeed. It also just so happened that we had good friends of our over that night, and the husband is also our priest. Of course they too were horrified by the image. In fact that image riled me up to the point that I did something I wouldn’t normally do and I posted an angry assault upon the people responsible. This is why there is a 24 hour rule in kids sports.
When I woke up that morning, I knew that what I had done was wrong and I thought today I would talk about why. When I woke up, the bible verse that was in my mind was John 3:17 “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.“ I knew right away that I had let God down. I hadn’t prayed for the people responsible, I had done the very thing that Jesus would never have done. I condemned them.
Jesus gave his disciples a mission when he sent them out – to show the world God’s love. Over and over again he talked about loving your enemy and turning the other cheek. When I think about my angry post, I have to ask myself what I was trying to accomplish? Did I think that I was going to change their minds with my rant? Did I think I was going to convince other’s to my way of thinking? Did I think that Jesus wasn’t capable of defending himself? That’s where it really hurt me. I presumed to speak for God, for Jesus, in a manner and with words that our Savior would have never used.
Thankfully yesterday was Sunday and church. Let me tell you, the very first thing I did when I walked through those doors was get down on my knees and ask God for forgiveness. But even still, I just couldn’t let it go. I just had the most awful feeling of having done something wrong. I felt embarrassed and sad that I had taken something good that God had given me and used it against him. I felt that I had listened to the enemy and I prayed over and over again that God wouldn’t let this black stain take away from what I been trying to accomplish with my life and my writing – putting out positivity and light and sharing the message that Jesus love us.
I also want to say thank you to my readers because, as the day went on, your prayers and comments began to lift me and I started to feel like it was going to be okay. A friend sent me some songs that were meaningful to him (not even because of this) and I listened to them and felt even more restored and then last night, God put a song in my heart and I felt so wrapped up in his forgiveness and love that I couldn’t stop crying. God is good and I have been redeemed.
So if you are wondering why I took down the blog post, now you have the answer.
This morning Jesus continued to remind me of what he wants from me as his servant.
“Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom… But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy….Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” James 3:13, 17, James 4:8
“…but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6
I know that I will fall down and fail God again. I’m human, it’s in my nature. But I also know that I am so deeply loved that God will always forgive me.
I hope and pray that my failing can be used to remind all of us that we are messengers of God in the world and the only message he wants us to share is one of LOVE.