Tag: #God

An Unexpected Side Effect.

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As many of you now know, we lost our beloved son, Hayden on September 20th of this year. Two months into our grieving process, keeping myself busy seems to be key to having what I would call “good” days. Those are days when I can smile, I can laugh, and enjoy the abundant blessings that God has gifted us. Weekends on the other hand, they tend to be more difficult – if I have time to think, then my thoughts inevitably turn to Hayden. Weekends were the time we spent with him and the hole on Saturday mornings is particularly large.

In my last blog post I said that I would write about the signs that God gave us that Hayden was with him, and I will do that, but as I sit here today I wanted to talk a little bit about the journey my faith is taking right now. One of the most important aspects of my relationship with God has been the feelings of his overwhelming love that he so often places upon me. Everyone’s experience and relationship with God is different, but for me, it’s those moments when I am most close to him, in song or in prayer when I feel his love fill me and it always brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat and a fullness to my heart. But lately I find myself actively avoiding having these moments. I’m not trying to shut God out of my life and my heart, but my sorrow is still so fresh and my feelings are still so close to the surface.

I have even started to worry that maybe God will be angry or upset that I can’t find that closeness with him. But then he gave me a truth that I feel in the depth of my soul – the sorrow that I feel, the pain in my heart, he shares that with me. The reason I can’t get too close right now when I am mourning – it’s because he is grieving with me and our shared grief is simply too much for me.

Never for a single moment doubt that God doesn’t love you fiercely. When you have a relationship with God, he will share your joys and rejoice with you in your good fortune. And, when life is hard, he doesn’t fix our pain – he shares it with us. Every tear we cry, he cries with us. On those good days when I can smile and laugh – I feel God touch my heart gently to reassure me that he is here, and he will never leave. So in the pain of my loss, I have continued to receive God’s grace and love in the unexpected truth that he is walking this path right beside me. To read these things in the Bible is one thing – to live them first hand is something completely different.

My prayer for each of you is that God gives you the blessing of feeling his presence in your life in all of your moments – both joy and sorrow and the knowledge that he will never leave you either.

God Bless,

Meredith

Let My Cry Come Onto Thee.

I am just a human, but my heart cries out to thee. Each day I come to you. I offer you praise and worship and ask for your blessing; for your help. You are the rock upon which I build my life. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

I cry for thee, O Lord. The world feels the weight of your grief, and our hearts break for the pain you are feeling, for the loss of your beloved. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

I grieve for the limb that has been cut from the tree, for the branch that has been ripped from the vine too soon. I pray for your healing, O Lord. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

My heart breaks, O Lord, for your pain. You, who gave your life on Calvary. You, who spilled your blood so that we might be set free. You journeyed to the depths, so that none would be lost. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

We, who morn, are part of your body. We feel this loss in the depths of our soul. Our hearts cry out in sorrow and pain. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

There is only one God, now and forever. Evil will not prevail, for you have already overcome the world. Our faith is in you. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

My heart cries out to you Lord. I feel the burden of your loss. I cry for the tears you have shed on this day. I reach out to you, seeking to share your load, your loss, your pain. How many tears have I cried this day. How many more have you? Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

Heavenly Father, Gracious Lord you are holy and merciful and mighty. We put our trust in you. We lift our eyes to the heavens and entrust our hearts to your keeping. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

I am only human and I am weak, but I offer myself to you. Share the burden of your grief with your children. Let our shared sorrow comfort you in your grievous loss. You are our beloved. We are nothing without you. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

Holy, holy, holy Lord. God of power and might. Heaven and Earth are full of your glory. Glory be to you, O God most high. Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come onto thee.

Darkness

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Even living out in the county, it’s not very often that we have nights that are truly dark.  Our horizons are always lit by the surrounding towns.  But, as the days get progressively shorter in the march toward the winter solstice, and the clouds of winter hang low and thick we had several nights this week where the darkness felt dense and heavy. 

I am not a girl who lives for the night. I love being up in the early morning, seeing the sun rise and the world wake up.  So, this week, as the darkness settled around us in a palpable way, I could feel myself reacting to it.  I couldn’t see the horses at their feeder from the fence the darkness was so thick and black.  The light from the barn couldn’t reach beyond the doorway, and the air was thick and heavy with the fog that was settling in. As humans we rely so much on our visual sense and certainly, for me, it was an uncomfortable, even stressful feeling to be so cut off from the world around me.  Normally I love night feed; it’s quiet and peaceful.  But on this night, I definitely breathed a sigh of relief walking into the lights of the house, with the fireplace warm and waiting.  It felt so good to come out of the heaviness of the darkness, back into the light.

This feeling got me thinking about the final verse from the carols and lessons concert we went to this past Sunday. It is from my absolute favourite book and it is probably one of my favourites because of how clearly it defines who and what Jesus was and is. 

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.  John 1:1-5

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”  As we draw nearer to the day on which we celebrate the birth of Jesus, on one of the darkest nights of the year, I hold this verse to my heart.  Jesus is the light that the darkness can not overcome, no matter how oppressive, or heavy that darkness we are walking through may be.  The relief that our souls experience when we draw closer to his light and love is as real as the relief I felt walking into the house that evening.  For some people this year, Christmas won’t be a time of joyful celebration. They are alone, experiencing their first holiday without a loved one… darkness is hanging over them in, wrapping itself around them.  But I know, just as he has done for me those times in my life when I have been lost in the dark, Jesus will always be life.  The life that is the light of all mankind.  I pray that, this holiday season, he is light and life for you.

God bless

Meredith

Lainey Wilson and a place called Grace.

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Yesterday afternoon my girlfriend and I left our families behind and headed down the 401 to see our girl, Lainey Wilson in concert at Canada Life Place in London. The plan was to leave early enough to have a nice dinner and a glass of wine before heading to the concert. We spent a good portion of our drive looking at restaurants around the venue, trying to decide which one would be the most delicious.

We got an amazing parking spot right across the street from the concert and then headed to our first choice of dining spots only to be told there was no room at the in, bar included. No big deal, it was right beside the venue, we’d just go a little further. So up Richmond street we walked, entering restaurant after restaurant, only to be told time and time again – sorry, we’re all booked up. It was starting to look like we were going to be settling for fast food or a Quiznos with no glass of wine to sit down an enjoy when we took a wrong turn.

We almost walked right past it, not able to believe what our eyes were telling us, that a place this nice, this close to our concert could have that many empty seats. Our first thought was that it was closed…but when I checked my phone it was indeed open. So, we did an about face and entered into heaven; a beautiful restaurant, with a seat by the window, a lovely wine list and incredible food, all without the chaos of the other “pre-concert” restaurants. The name of this place…Grace.

So many times in my life God gifts me with infinitely more than I could ask or imagine. Just like that restaurant last night, his plan for my life is always so much better than I would ever dream for myself. But, sometimes that plan means we get told “no”, we don’t get into the places we thought we “wanted”, and sometimes we need to take a wrong turn and get lost to find that “something better” that was his plan all along.

The completeness of God’s plan for us always astonishes me. One of the things my girlfriend and I had talked about on our drive was how important and special our grandmothers were to us. This restaurant was named after the executive chef’s grandmother. The proof of God’s love and caring for you is always there if you are just willing to see it.

Lainey Wilson was amazing. Having a beautiful friend to sharing it with was amazing, but most amazing of all is God’s enduring grace.

God bless.
Meredith

Believe the truth of your heart.

Recently I’ve had some faith based disagreements with people I love and care about. Most specifically they have centred around the idea that God is too big to care if you make a green light, or get a primo parking spot at the mall. Their opinion was yes, he is too big to care about the minutia of your life, mine is exactly the opposite.

Proverbs 3:5-6 resonates the most for me with respect to this. It says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” This verse doesn’t say in some of your ways acknowledge him, or only acknowledge him about the big stuff, it says in ALL your ways. It also says he will make straight your paths. There’s no qualification here. It doesn’t say only certain paths or only the big stuff. If, on a particular day, making straight my path, so that I know I’m doing what God wants, means I get a great spot at the mall, or a green light on the way to pick up my son from school, then so be it. I absolutely believe he has done that for me before and he will do it again. He makes it so obvious for us when we are doing his will. Making our paths so straight at times it feels like they are paved with big flashing lights saying this way forward.

There will always be people in your life who want to tell you who God is and who he isn’t. They want to frame or even limit your experience based upon their own. Don’t let them. Believe the truth that is in your heart, believe the truth that God has shared with you. Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart. The people I love didn’t shake my faith or dampen my belief, instead they made me feel sad for them; sad that they haven’t yet experienced the love of God the Father. Do not let the world put God up on an unreachable shelf. There is a reason the Lord’s prayer starts with the words “Our Father”, because that is the relationship he wants with us more than anything. I guarantee you that God is with you, walking through your valleys and helping you climb your mountain tops. Mathew 7:7-8 “7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Seek and ye shall find, ask and you shall receive.”

God tells us over and over again the depth and intimacy of the relationship he wants with each one of us. Don’t lean on your own understanding, but instead sit back and allow an infinite God to love you like only a good Father can.

God bless,

Meredith

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

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As 2023 comes to an end today’s Bible reading ended up feeling more like a blog post and something we could all take with us into the new year, so I’ve included it here as well. If you haven’t been reading the book of John with us, this is a great introductory chapter and if you have, I hope as we move through these next few chapters it will be easy for you to see why this is one of my favourite books of the Bible.

John 14

Jesus Comforts His Disciples

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Jesus the Way to the Father

5 Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

I think at this point, the disciples genuinely believe that he is going to some other land.  Even the ones closest to him, who had witnessed all of his miracles couldn’t conceptualize the truth of who and what Jesus really was.

6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really know me, you will know[b] my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

I love verse 7.  If you really know me, you will know my Father as well.  We have so much of Jesus’ teachings to look through and the one word I think even non-Christians would use to describe Jesus is love.  So if we really know Jesus is love, then our heavenly Father is love divine; not judgement, not condemnation, but love.  Yes, absolutely we should try to be our best selves, to try to live aware of our sinful natures – envy, pride, gluttony, covetousness, asking God always to give us the fruits of the spirit and not of the flesh.  (See Galatians 5:22-26) but in the end, in everything you do remember that GOD IS LOVE.

8 Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

9 Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. 12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

I have a fullness in my heart when I read verses 13 and 14.  Jesus promises to be there for us, to answer our prayers – there is only one catch – so that the Father may be glorified.  I wrote a blog post last month about God answering prayer – that I believe that he does with every fibre of my being, and that he has faithfully answered my prayers.  Sometimes our prayers aren’t always answered in the way in which we want, (we prayed for our lost kitty to come home – ultimately we did find him and he is home, buried under one of our trees.  Maybe not the answer we hoped for, but we were able to have the closure of giving him a burial, one last pet and the peace of not having to always wonder, to know he wasn’t suffering.)  Jesus promises to answer our prayers, but we must trust him to give us the answer we need, not the one we want.

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

22 Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”

23 Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. 24 Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

25 “All this I have spoken while still with you. 26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

READ THAT AGAIN!!!! Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid – bring all things to God, to Jesus and trust that he will care for you.  “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:27. 

I was listening to my favourite radio station this morning K-Love and one of the DJ’s said this.  Worry asks “what if”, faith says “even if”.   Jeremiah 29:11 is my absolutely favorite verse in the Bible and one I have committed to my heart.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Cling to that phrase in all your life and live in freedom.  Know that even if you make a bad decision, God can turn all things for your good.   God is so good.

28 “You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29 I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. 30 I will not say much more to you, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold over me, 31 but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me.

“Come now; let us leave.

STOP RIGHT THERE!

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In today’s Bible reading of John Chapter 6 we read what I think are some of the most profound words in the Bible, spoken by Jesus himself

We made the decision several years ago to send our youngest son to a private Christian school. He was struggling in the public system and we desperately hoped that the smaller class sizes and more opportunities for individual attention would help him be successful and it absolutely has, I wouldn’t change that decision for the world. But one of the things we had to do in order to get him into that school was go through an interview process. The idea of the interview was to confirm that we shared the moral values and ideal of the school community. Fair enough, they aren’t looking for boat rockers in a small, private school. But where the interview process when wrong was when one of the interviewers told Dave that, in his questioning of his faith, he wasn’t a true Christian.

I’m sure she felt well-intentioned, but her words and judgement about a personal journey were perhaps the most un-Christian I have ever heard. I also know that we have all come across those types of Christians in our lives. The ones that make us cringe at the thought of this religion. The ones that force their opinion upon us and try to “convert” us to their beliefs through bullying and fear. The ones that are completely misguided in believing that they are stacking up points in heaven by the number of converts they can wrack up on earth. Yuck!

Let’s look at those words I was referring to earlier on – the most profound words spoken by Jesus himself. John 6:44 “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them.” There you have it, an absolution of responsibility. It isn’t your job to make someone a Christian – that job belongs to God and God alone. Our role is share God’s love, to pray for people to come to know God, but it is God himself who has to place that desire in their heart. Maybe we are all born with that desire placed within us. That, I don’t know. It’s one of God’s mysteries. What I do know is that forcing someone to believe in something because of pressure or fear, simply to check a box in your own life isn’t really helping anyone. 

I have a list of people in my life for whom I pray daily. I pray for them to come to know God and his love and kindness. I try to be open about my faith and my relationship with God without being pushy. I want people to see this amazing thing I have, and want it for themselves, but ultimately only God can give them that desire. Jesus reiterates this again at the end of John 6:65  He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”

This is why we are called to be God’s light in the world, to draw those, in whom God has planted a seed, to us. Be the light and love of God in the darkness of this world.

God bless,

Meredith

My Whisper Pony

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I want to start this by saying I have never owned a stallion before, nor have I restarted an eight year old stallion who was hardly ridden before, but life is an adventure. I’ve used the expression God only gives you what you can handle, but I’ve had occasion to rethink that saying recently – maybe sometimes God gives you more than you can handle – because that is where growth happens.

My stallion, Buzz and I have been, to quote a friend, “riding the struggle bus” recently. Unlike every single other gypsy I own, his natural inclination is to go fast, really, really fast. Canter – more like gallop. He is teaching me to use my seat and half-halts in a way that I never knew I could. But today, thanks to my incredible trainer, Sarah Durham, we had a ‘bring me to tears’ breakthrough; Buzz is a whisper pony.

What is a whisper pony you might ask. A whisper pony is one who is so sensitive, so tuned into their body and to you that they respond to the merest suggestion of pressure. When I ask most of my ponies for a leg-yield, I put on my leg and they move over. I couldn’t figure out why Buzz kept running away – today I figured it out. He needed me to whisper. The very slightest suggestion of my leg moved him over, smoothly, quietly, calmly.

How often in our lives do we get used to speaking in one tone. We get frustrated with those around us because they aren’t listening, because we aren’t being heard. But maybe sometimes the answer isn’t to get louder, maybe sometimes the answer lies in a whisper. Maybe the answer is less about what you do and more about what someone else needs.

Why did this moment bring me to tears? I am 50 years old. God gave me the gift of my heart’s dream over the last few years. I will never, ever get tired of learning how to listen to my horses, to do better and be better for them. But, I am incredibly thankful that He also surrounded me with people to bless me with their knowledge and expertise. He has blessed me with an opportunity to grow. I’m so grateful for my whisper pony; for the lesson he taught me today, for the lessons he will keep on teaching me. And, there are not words for how incredibly grateful I am for my amazing trainer, Sarah.

There are times when you truly feel God’s hand upon your life. Today was definitely one of those days. I can not live my life without God. He provides for me at all times and in all ways, even more than I can ask or imagine. The love of God overwhelmed me today. His care for me, for my life, and for the actualization of the dream he gave me oh so many, many years ago…I didn’t know I needed my whisper pony, but He certainly did.

Praise be to God.

Meredith.

I was truly terrified!

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Fear is a word I have become intimately knowledgeable of this year. I’m talking, overwhelming, stomach churning, can’t breath, real fear. We’re talking a rocked me to my core, and made me question life decisions kind of fear, I would even say I was terrified. But guess what?! It was the type of fear that isn’t based on actual reality, but on a series of “what ifs”; a fear of the unknown, and I was caught completely off guard when it happened.

There is still so much going on in our world to cause us to be fearful, anxious, stressed. My personal strategy has been just to focus on my small little niche of the world and shut out everything else: I can’t change it anyway. But, sometimes the world breaks through and forces itself upon you; the threat of more lockdowns, tracking apps, arguments to vaccinate or not, doctors threatening to deny care to people. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined how divisive our world would feel. That’s the point of fear – to makes you like the world is against you, to make you feel isolated and alone.

There is a song by Zach Williams called “Fear is a Liar”. How much do we need that song now? How much do we need to be told that our fears are lies?

This summer, in the midst of a chaotic world, God has shone his light into my life on a daily basis; reminding me that He is with me, walking beside me, holding my hand. Let me give you an example. Last week, after almost a year of waiting, our hay field and horse pastures were finally planted. We have had gorgeous sunny days since then and three nights of rain. I can only call this a miracle and a blessing from God. I literally couldn’t have asked for better weather to germinate our seed. Again and again this summer God has made a way for us and our dream.

Over and over again the Bible tells us not to worry. Philippians 4:5-7 “The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.” This verse isn’t saying God will give you what you ask for, but it does say that reaching out to Him in your anxiety will bring you peace; a peace that transcends all understanding.

When I hold God close, when I turn to Him in my fears and anxiety, when I don’t have enough strength, I feel that peace. God’s got this.

That fear I spoke about earlier…it came over me while I was riding my horse. That fear wanted to deny me something that brings me incredible joy, peace and love. I only know of one way to deal with fear like that; give it up to God. I’ve spent the last two weeks doing that scary thing over and over again. Lots of times I pray as we go galloping off into the wild with no fences or arena walls to “keep me safe” and you know what…”I’m actually having fun!” What fears in your life can you give up to God? What fears can you abandon to find joy?

Even when it feels like the world is out of control, Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God;” Make the choices you have to make, embrace the things that scare you, and trust that God will, can, and is working all things for your good. And here’s that Zach Williams song. I’m totally going to cry my way through it.

May God bless you and keep you!

Meredith

A Sense of Humour

How many of you have stopped to think that God must have a fantastic sense of humour? I mean look at some of the animals we share the earth with…the platypus?…adorable and hilarious. I just wanted to share a quick story about how God made me laugh yesterday.

As many of you are aware, we moved into a newly built home at the end of February. The site where we built was originally a soy bean field, and so to have a septic system that actually functioned, they ended up trucking in a lot (I mean A LOT) of dirt to get the house elevated. The downside of that is that we still need more fill. About 15 meters off the back of the house is a huge low spot that needs to be filled in. We joke that it’s our pond, because when it rains, you can have upwards of 4 inches of water sitting in it – and in fact, there was that much when we moved in.

Fast forward to yesterday. We have had the front lawn leveled and sprayed with grass seed. Dave was commenting about how the rain was good for the seed, but bad for the hole which had finally stared to dry out. He then stared to complain about priorities and how I should have taken care of the hole first or I needed to just fill in the hole with the remaining top soil we have. We had a bit of a discussion about how all of the experts have said to get actual fill (not to waste our good topsoil) and then I went outside to do a few chores.

About 10 minutes later I noticed a red truck pulling into our driveway. I finished up what I was doing and then headed back to the house. Turns out, that red truck was owned by a gentleman who digs pools in our area and he wondered if we could use some fill? I could not stop laughing. Even Dave just shook his head. God heard Dave’s complaints that morning and then BAM! I’m sure He must have gotten a good chuckle making that happen.

I share this story to encourage you. Invite God in, make Him a part of every aspect in your life. Give thanks for the amazing gifts He’s given you and you’ll be surprised how many little miracles He works in your life every day. Sometimes He’ll even make you laugh – and you know He’ll be laughing right along with you.

Have a blessed day!

Meredith