So I have been thinking a lot today about the journey God has taken me on over the last year or more. Although I have touched on my faith journey briefly, I feel like today it might be appropriate to talk about it more in depth.

I started my most recent journey back to God, or connecting with God, through C.S. Lewis.  It was shortly after I had finished writing Wonder Woman for DC Comics and I had pitched to basically everyone I knew and no one had responded.  There was a point at which a part of me asked “Why are you waiting for someone to give you permission to do what it is you want to do?”  It was at that moment that I decided to write Rose.  I knew that I had loved the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe series and I felt that I wanted to write something along those same lines; something that subtly nodded toward God and my beliefs.  It was that feeling, that idea, that prompted me to go to my local book store and purchase almost everything they had, that had been written by C.S. Lewis.  I knew enough then to know that he was a religious scholar, but up until that point I had never actually read any of his religious writings.  I started with an anthology that began with Mere Christianity, then I moved on to The Problem with Pain, The Weight of Glory, The Four Loves, The Screwtape Letters and The Great Divorce.  With every thing I read, I felt as if I gained a clearer understanding of what a real, thoughtful Christianity or belief in God could be like.  C.S. Lewis writes in a way that is sophisticated enough that you need to pay attention, but emotional enough that your heart really understands what he is saying (or at least mine did).  By this point I was almost a year into reading, my faith journey, and writing Rose (trying to incorporate some of those ideas about love).

That spring I watched my then eight-year old come up from Sunday school and tell me for the umpteenth time how much he hated coming to church.  (At some point early that spring we had decided to start attending church more regularly.)  Looking at my sad child, in God’s house mad me angry.  Coming to church and learning about God shouldn’t make him feel like this. I was sitting in my pew, stewing about the quality of our Sunday school, when a voice, literally as clear as a bell, spoke in my head and said “If you don’t like it, do something about it.”   I knew at that moment, that God was calling me.  The only question that remained to be answered…would I accept the call?

I’m going to interrupt this story to really clearly point out, or emphasis, something that was happening, something that God was doing in my life.  He was tapping me on the shoulder in a way that I could accept and understand.  He introduced me to a Christian scholar that spoke to my heart, he directed me to write a story with a heroine loosely based upon his son’s sacrificial love and then he called me to work in his church.  God was preparing me; getting me ready, slowly, and carefully, waiting until I was ready and then calling me each time, to step up and make another commitment to him.

Skip forward a couple of months, Lent was quickly approaching and my church was offering a Lenten bible study.  I decided to try it out.  And I want to be very clear here – I absolutely believe that this was another way in which God called me, because the Lenten bible study was on the books of John.  Now I don’t know how much you have read of John’s writings, but I honestly don’t believe that there is a book or writer in the bible that speaks more clearly and specifically about God and Jesus and his love for mankind.  For the very first time in my life, I recall reading the bible and feeling like it made complete and total sense.  I could clearly understand exactly what the message was that was given to me.

Now let me be honest.  I have tried reading the bible on many occasions.  I’ve started at Genesis.  I’ve started at Matthew.  I’ve tried starting where I last left off, but I have never tried starting where God directed me.  It was around this time that I also discovered the Netflix program A.D. Kingdom and Empire.  This is a series of shows that basically tries to reenact the biblical stories of Acts.  Do you see where I’m going here?  God had made a move in my life and the more I responded to him, the more he fed me in a way that developed my belief and my understanding of him and his love and message.  I’m not sure that I have enough room to speak to all of the other ways in which he was moving in my life and my career. But I was starting to get the point.  God was calling me.  It was time for me to get to know him, to understand him and his work and his purpose for me on a deeper level.

If you are still with me, thank you.  I know this is a lot.  And let me tell you, not once since then have I looked back.  Every day in my life I feel his presence.  I feel him speaking to me in a very real way and I pray every single day that I do his will. I started this blog because I genuinely wish for every single person to have the opportunity to know and feel God’s love the way I have experienced it recently.  I have lived without God.  I have lived letting him into my life on my terms and now, I am living my life on his terms.  Let me tell you, of those options, I choose his terms every single day.  God is so good and he loves us so much.  We just have to open our hearts to him and let him in.

I am so fulling committed to God because he has shown me over the course of this past year and more that he is fully committed to me.  He has chased me down and, now that I have found him, now that I have truly found him, I never want to let him go. So today, when I pray, I am praying for everyone who reads this blog to feel and experience God’s love the way I do.  I pray for you to open your self and your heart so that you can hear God speaking in your life.  Once you experience the never-ending, overwhelming, reckless love of God, you won’t want to let go either.

God bless,

Meredith

I want to talk today about the level of discomfort we are willing to undergo for our faith.

How many of us would be willing to admit, if asked, before a crowd of people that we believe in God? I willing to bet it would make a lot of us uncomfortable to be asked. I freely admit that there have been times in my life where I have been one of those people. I might have acknowledged that I believed in God, but in a chill, there’s got to be something out there sort of way.

Why do we do that?

Fear.

We’re afraid that people might judge us for believing.  We’re afraid they’ll think we’re one of those “crazy” Christians and they won’t want to be our friend.  Ultimately, I think its because we are afraid of losing something that we think is important.

I have always believed in God, but there have been lots of times when I’ve held that belief close, like a secret that needed to be protected.  What I was really protecting was the idea of whom I wanted the world to see.  I was okay believing in God as long as it didn’t make me feel uncomfortable.

Now that I’m farther along in my faith journey, I have started to experience what I thought was a new fear, but have come to realize is just the same old fear expressed in a different way.  A fear of being uncomfortable.  I’m afraid of what God is going to ask of me, the closer I get to him.  When I really look at that fear, I realize that I’m still afraid of losing something.  I’m willing to read my bible every day and pray and sing praises to God, just as long as he doesn’t ask more of me.  I don’t want my faith to become uncomfortable.

But then I think like a parent – I know I always come back to this.  Would I accept my child never trying something new, something that might be amazing, because he was “uncomfortable” or afraid.  Absolutely not.  I would love him and encourage him and then, if he still put up a fuss, I would make him do it.  But I would never push my child to do something that I thought would hurt him.  And when I think about it this way – I know that my fear of what God will ask or expect from me is groundless.

Last week I posted the Zack Williams song “Fear is a Liar”.  I really believe that when I start to feel fear, especially about my faith or expressing it loudly and proudly to others, or diving more deeply into it, or giving more of myself and my life to God — that fear doesn’t come from God.  It comes from the one who would love nothing more than to keep me from God.  To keep my relationship with my faith “comfortable”  – because that means I can never grow.  I can never be the full expression of the person God created me to be.

What is so important to me that I am afraid of losing it?  Realistically, what will I lose because I express my faith?

Jesus says “Give and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” Luke 6:38

The more I give to God, of my heart, my soul, my self…the more he will give to me.  Having faith isn’t about losing, it’s about gaining.  Gaining a perfect love and joy that can’t come from anything here in this world.  It can only come from Christ.

When you push your child to try something new it’s because you want them to grow and develop and be the very best they can be.  God wants that for us too.  So I’m resolving to give up my fear, to be willing to be uncomfortable for God.  I think, much like learning to tie your shoes, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Let’s all get uncomfortable today.

God bless,

Meredith

Here’s that Zack Williams song again because you can never be reminded too many times that “Fear is a Liar!”

A regular reader reminded me that I didn’t post a song this morning.  That’s because it took a bit before God revealed the perfect song for me and how I was feeling about the amazing love of Jesus.  What I love, is that this morning’s post inspired a reader to send me a song too.  So here they both are (his first). ENJOY and GOD BLESS!  — Meredith

Readers:

Mine:

One of my favorite things about the Gospel of John is the way it portrays Jesus, not as someone who has come to judge and condemn, but as someone who loves and is warm and welcoming.

My Lenten bible study this year called “Meeting Jesus in the Gospel of John” by the Society of Saint John the Evangelist at Virginia Theological Seminary,  and it really spoke to my heart about the type of relationship Jesus wants to have with me.

John 13:23  “One of his disciples – the who whom Jesus loved – was reclining next to him.” 

I can’t possibly image during all of the years of Jesus’ ministry that his disciples spent that entire time worshiping and adoring him.  In fact they often questioned him.  What I like about this phrase is it shows that they also relaxed with him.  They just hung around together – they were friends.

It’s so strange isn’t it.  We think of the Christ whom we worship at church and pray to, who we see hung on the cross to die for our sins, but how often do we think of having a relationship with God that is so casual? Can we even conceptualize hanging out and laughing together just like we would with our friends.   But I think that’s exactly what the point of this passage is.  It’s talking about a relationship of love, of being loved.  And being loved…that comes of “knowing” and of being known.  As in, Jesus knows you deeply and intimately and you can know him in that very same way.

I think there is a reason for God the Father and God the Son.  God is above us, he’s supposed to be, he’s “the maker and preserver of all things”. God knew that mankind just couldn’t get past his godliness to really have the relationship he desires to have with us. But Jesus… in Jesus he calls us to be his friend, to love and be a part of his family.  We are all “children of God”.

I really believe that is in coming to know him and that amazing and powerful love that he has for all of us, that we come closer to really knowing God our Father.  So when you feel sometimes as if God is remote and out of reach, try reaching out to your brother, your friend – Jesus just like you would to any other friend.  Talk to him about your good days and your bad.

God bless,

Meredith

Sometimes God’s presence in your life can be hard to see and sometimes, when you’re ready, (when you’ve made your pocket) he hits you over the head.

I said yesterday that I started reading the beatitudes (I’m reading Luke 6), but what I didn’t say was that I could not get past the “Love for Enemies” part.  And there was one line specifically that I couldn’t get past  “If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.  Give to everyone who asks and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.”

I had such a difficult time with this that I couldn’t continue reading and this morning I decided I still wasn’t ready and read 2 Thessalonians instead.  I was all ready to move on to 1st Timothy when I got an uncomfortable feeling and a pressure inside me that said I needed to go back to the Luke.  I have learned to recognize this as God’s voice, directing me to something important.

Now let me preface this with the knowledge if you are unfamiliar with 2 Thessalonians, that my first reading was filled with verses like “He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ”.  and “But the Lord is faithful and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.”  All day yesterday I felt as if something was getting between me and God.  I couldn’t feel him like I usually do.  Today, God took the time to remind me that he loves me and then he sent me back to Luke to figure out what he meant and face my own spiritual failings – the thing that was coming between us.

“…if someone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.”  For a year now I have been harboring anger and resentment toward someone who claims to have lost something that had a significant monetary value.  Insurance claims have been filed, but still there has been a part of me that wants that person to pay for taking something away that I valued.  Today, even though I didn’t want to let that part of me go…God showed me that it is coming between us.  It’s hard isn’t it?   To forgive people when we feel as if they have violated our rights, when we feel as if our anger is justified.

C.S. Lewis writes that pride is really mankind’s greatest sin.  God showed me today,  for me in that situation, the truth of that statement.  I mean, what was lost was a piece of paper covered in black ink.  Is that really more important than a person?  More important than showing God’s love to that person and forgiveness?  We need to remember, I need to remember that things are only things and that to be a Christian, to live a life in God, means to set aside what we think of as our personal rights , so that we can show people a love that passes all understanding.

So when I say that sometimes God hits you over the head, I mean that I knew exactly what he was saying to me today.  That letting go of my pride and treating those who wrong me with kindness and and love is the next part of my journey.  It is the next “fruit” that the Spirit wants to give me.  Getting a direct message from God makes me feel how much he loves me and cares for me and that he hears me.  I prayed yesterday for him to show me what I was doing wrong…today he did.

I started this blog because I wish with all of my heart for you to find that type of relationship with God.  For your heart to be as full as mine is today of God’s love and blessing.   I pray that  God speaks to you as clearly as he has spoken to me.

If you want to read more about God’s “radical” love you can do so here.

https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-26-radical-love-luke-627-35

God Bless,

Meredith

Part of my bible reading today was the beatitudes.  For those of you who don’t know, the beatitudes are the blesseds…

• Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
• Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
• Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
• Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.
• Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
• Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
• Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

As I read the beatitudes I thought, as I always do, how unlike myself they sound.  I’m definitely not meek, sometimes I’m not merciful, I don’t know that I always thirst for righteousness in the way I should and that whole clean heart thing… I can be quick to anger, prideful, arrogant, etc.   Uh Oh!

I really wanted to understand what Jesus was trying to say here and in the course of my journey to deeper knowledge and understanding I have found that bible.org is a good resource for me.  And I’m going to talk about the two ideas that really resonated with me today.

I think the thing that struck me first was the description given for what being blessed  means.  “An exclamation of the inner joy and peace that comes from being right with God – a happiness that transcends the happenings of the world around you and comes to the soul form being favored by God.”  WOW!   I want that!  I’ve experienced that at moments in my life and it is so amazing, I cry.  Every time!

The article moved on to talk about what it really meant to be poor.  Poor as in humbling yourself before God.  Poor as in being a contrite spirit.  Now, not only is that something I can do, that is something I have been trying to do a lot more of.  Recognizing that everything I have is a gift given to me by God. The ultimate idea of this, is that we live a life that is in total dependence upon God.  I don’t think that means you can sit back on the couch and eat potato chips and rely on God to provide you with what you need.  But I do absolutely believe that if work hard at what you do and try and devote yourself and your life to God, he will provide.  My son says that’s not fair because I win either way.  If something I pray for happens, I give thanks, and if it doesn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.  I don’t know about you, but I’m totally good with the idea of winning regardless of the outcome.

So I said I wasn’t a meek person.  Anyone who has met me will absolutely confirm that.  So what does Jesus mean blessed are the meek? The article I read stated that meek means “having a spirit of gentleness and self control, free from malice and a condescending spirit”.  It also says that these are “fruits of the Spirit – they are produced in the Christian by the Holy Spirit”.

I may not be meek yet, but I can absolutely vouch for the fact that drawing closer to God has changed me as a person.  Even my family comment on how much more patient I am.  If I feel the tide of jealousy or envy rise up, I immediately send out a prayer and always that feeling is taken away and replaced with gratitude for everything I have and for the love God has given me. I know the Spirit of God is working in me to give me a new heart, a clean heart.

It’s been a few days since I picked a song and I feel like one really gets to the point of what I felt in today’s message.  We need to stop being afraid of what we are going to lose when we turn to God.  He will give us absolutely everything we need to live a life close to and knowing him, including meekness and a clean heart.  And that feeling of being blessed is possible for all of us…all we need to do is just go ‘All In” with God.

God bless,

Meredith

Sometime last year, God introduced me to the works of George MacDonald.  For the many of you who don’t recognize the name, the writings of George MacDonald were the inspiration behind some of the greatest fantasy writers of modern day including J. R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis (a personal favorite of mine),

One of the books I purchased on MacDonald contained several of his sermons and one in particular resonated with me because of the genius of it’s imagery.  I’d like to share a part of that now.

“He is the God of comfort and consolation.  He will sooth and satisfy His children better than any mother her infant.

…He gives what His child needs – often by refusing what he asks….There are good things God must delay giving until His child has a pocket to hold them – till he gets His child to make that pocket.  He must first make him fit to receive and to have.  There is no part of our nature that shall not be satisfied – and that not by lessening it, but by enlarging it to embrace an ever-enlarging enough.”

“There are good things God must delay giving until His child has a pocket to hold them – till he gets His child to make that pocket”.  What incredible imagery.  I know the first time I read this I instantly recalled a time when I thought I was ready for something, but God showed me that I hadn’t yet finished making my pocket.  For me, that meant turning my heart and soul fully and completely toward God.  Until I was able to focus on working for God’s approval instead of the world’s I couldn’t move forward in my career.  As a writer, in this age of instant critiques, it is so easy to get caught up in what other people say about you and your work.  I know it can be that way for many of us in our daily lives.  Is our kid in the right sport?  on the right team? is our car/house enough?  Do I have the right friends?  Job?  Clothes?  I think of all of the ways in which I allowed the world to intrude on me and get in the way of God’s plan for my life.

Ephesians 3:20 says  “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”.   I want to  give God time to make the perfect pocket to hold the gifts that he wants to give me so that I can be so much more than I could possibly ask to be – because his power is at work within me.

I always bring it back to being a parent – and it is part of the reason why I think parenting well is so important – because in our relationships with our children and our parents, we are given a glimpse of the relationship that is possible with our Father in heaven.

Don’t you want to give your children so much more than they can ask or imagine?  But you don’t take off the training wheels until your child is ready to ride on their own.

My prayer for you today is that you find the courage to open yourself to God’s plan for your life.  Let him make you a pocket, perfectly designed, to hold all of the gifts he would so dearly love to give you.

God bless,

Meredith

I want to start today’s blog by thanking everyone for their kind words and messages of support.

I have had many people over the past few days thank me for being brave enough to share my faith.  The funny thing is that I didn’t feel brave at that particular moment.  I just really wanted to share the power and impact that God has had on my life.  In a lot of ways a blog post feels like a really safe way to do that because only the people who want to read it, will.  It feels much more risky to post a bible verse on my Twitter or Instagram, or over Easter to post a picture of a cross with the words “He has risen”.  Those platforms are much more instant and visible and I always worry that I am going to drive people away or people are going to start thinking I’m so sort of crazy church lady and, as a result, tune me out.

It’s funny and sad when you really think about it…that expressing your faith and belief in God and Jesus can make people think you are crazy.  I even use that term when I talk to Dave or my kids about a message or a sign I believe I’ve had from God.  I always start that conversation with “I know you’re going to think I’ve crazy, but…”

I thought and prayed a lot about what I was going to post today.  The verse that God have me was from John 20:19,20

“When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week …Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ After he said this he showed them his hands and his side.  then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.”

When I read that verse I am reminded that even Jesus’ disciples – people who have lived with him for years didn’t recognize him until he made them really look at him.  He had to show them his wounds before they could actually see him.  How many times in our life, on a daily basis, is God trying to speak to us and we refuse to see or hear him?

When I am late, and there is no traffic at the end of our street to that I can make a left hand turn and I say “Thank you Jesus” my son used to get frustrated with me.  “Mom”, he would say, “not everything has to be about Jesus”.  But why not?  Why can’t every single good thing in our lives be from God?   Part of saying thank you is about recognizing all of the good things, even when they are small, in our lives.  It is about creating an attitude of gratitude.  I think of all the little things I do in the lives of my children to make their days easier; making breakfast, lunches, picking them up from school, driving them too school…making snacks.  These are all things they could do for themselves, but I love them and I love doing things for them.  If we believe that we have a Father in heaven, is it so unreasonable, so crazy to think that he would be willing to do little things for us to make our lives easier too?  I challenge you to try it today.  Be brave, even crazy for God.  Every time something goes well, try saying thank you.  I would suggest that you might be surprised by just how much better you feel about yourself and maybe just how loved you feel by God at the end of the day.

God Bless!

Meredith

So today I thought I would talk a little bit about how I became a Christian.

My parents weren’t particularly religious.  We went to church maybe four or five times a year, but unlike most people, it was never on a holiday, it more a case of when the urge struck them.

Both of my grandmothers however, were very spiritual.  My Nani (my dad’s mother) belonged to the United Church and was a big follower of the 700 Club and Jimmy Swaggart.  She was just a very kind and sweet person.  When she was driving and would get a green light she would always say “Thank you, Jesus”.  She always got a parking spot at the front of the store and she always said “Thank you, Jesus”.  Her faith and the love that she shared with the world had a very profound impact on me, and it was my Nani who bought me my first bible (which I still use today).  I think my Nani gave me an amazing example of what faith in God and Jesus could be.  But it was my Grandmother (my mom’s mother) who gave me the church that would meet that need.

Some of my fondest memories of staying at my Grandmother’s house were going to church.  A British war-bride, she was a devoted Anglican.  There was just something about the formality of the Anglican faith with it’s kneelers, and books, in which the entire service was written down in, that just spoke to me.  My Grandmother was a part of the altar guide which meant that after church I would get to help clear the linens off the altar and wash and polish the silver chalices from which the communion had been served.  It was like being part of a secret society and I loved helping her.

During my teen years I was a very faithful Christian, in that I read my bible and listened to Amy Grant.  But I would also say, that I had a very shallow and innocent faith which I allowed to fade away over time.  I wanted to be a part of the cool crowd and I felt that, in being a Christian, I was missing out.  I was tired of being the good girl.  I never lost my belief, but I definitely put it on a shelf to take down when it was more convenient.

But it wasn’t until I became a mother that I really experienced a true crisis of faith.  My first-born, Hayden was born with significant physical and mental challenges and, over time, he became gradually more and more self-abusive.  When he was 8 years old he gave himself a traumatic brain injury which required emergency surgery and a piece of his skull was removed for several days to allow the swelling to go down.  To say that I was mad at God was an understatement.  Hadn’t he already given me enough when he gave me a broken child that I poured my heart and soul into?  I simply could not believe that a God who loved me could be so determined to break me.

It took months for me to realize that God did indeed have a plan for Hayden and for the rest of my family.  At the time of Hayden’s head injury I had been married to my second husband, Dave for three-years and he was just starting a new job.  We had a 15 month-old baby and a six-year old (Hayden’s brother from my previous marriage).  To say Hayden was very labour intensive would be a serious understatement.  Our local school board wasn’t willing or able to provide him the supports he needed, so we paid for assistance and I home-schooled him.  He slept very intermittently – sometimes only two or three hours a night and despite all of our efforts to prevent it, his constant self-abuse was tearing us apart.   All of our time and energy was split between him and the baby, and my beautiful, independent middle son was slipping through the cracks.

Hayden’s head injury changed all that.  It opened up a avenue we didn’t even know was available to us, and ultimately resulted in him being cared for in a community home.  After two years of struggles and doctors and assessments and treatment facilities who ultimately couldn’t do anything to modify Hayden’s drive to self-abuse, we moved Hayden into a house that was literally on our street.  He had 24-hour, round the clock, one-on-one care from a group of individuals whom I can only describe as angels.  And, more importantly, he was only a few blocks away.

Sometimes it really does take a community to raise a child.  There were many people who judged me for moving Hayden into that house, even though he comes home for visits every weekend and I drive him to school every morning.  Those people never yelled at my other two children because they were so exhausted from being up every night trying to stop a child from hitting himself.  I have an amazing relationship with all of my children now and I absolutely give God credit for saving all of us before we even knew we needed saving.  Anyone who has lived with a child who has special needs doesn’t need me to tell them how incredibly difficult it is on the family.  I also give God a huge thank you for bringing my husband Dave into our lives.  I don’t know many people who would have dated a single mother with two children, let alone one with a child as challenging as Hayden was.

I absolutely believe in my heart that through all of my struggles and trials, through all of my tears and heart-break, that God has been pulling me ever closer, preparing me for the next role he needs me to fill in my life.  And everyday I pray that I keep my heart and mind focused on him, who has given me so much and who cares so deeply and, that always, “his will be done”.   He knows me so much better than I know myself.

God Bless Everyone

Meredith

This song from Mercy Me makes me cry – especially the part about when God chooses to leave mountains unmovable.